reikiba's movie Reviews on Newgrounds

[S.W.A.T Shadows Episode 1]

Pretty good

Good animating and good sound. Script could use a bit of editing to pick up the pace.

That girl spent too much time on the phone with someone she apparently didn't want to talk to. I don't know what he could have possibly been saying to keep her on the line that long--and then she says she'll meet with him. And she repeated herself. There's got to be a faster way to get your point across.

Some of the SWAT guys' dialogues could probably be shortened as well without losing any humor.

LKLostKID responds:

Hi Reikiba, thank you for your review.

The script is slow paced.. Im very new at script writing and was worried it may be to much of...a mouthful. However this is Episode 1 and while the script could of been optimized to tell the story in less words this is how the end result turned out. I am however going to take my script a revise before sending off to my voice actors and spend more time with them getting a better connection and feeling from within the characters.

[Shattered Heaven Act 3.4]

it's okay

*sigh* Before I looked at this, I decided to go through this series from the beginning to keep everything in context.

You've put alot of work into this series. The art is acceptable and the voices are a good touch. But personally, I find the whole story confusing and boring and the characters uninteresting.

I'm assuming this is based off of something--I think you mentioned that in a comment on an earlier episode. However, I have to review this as a standalone story, and I must refer to previous episodes since this is one whole story.

For the most part, the characters seem to have no personality. It may be partially due to the monotone voice acting, but a big part of my apathy is due to the fact that there was very little development or explanation of the characters in earlier episodes. If they are popular characters, then fans may care, but I have no reason to care about what happens to any of them.

The whole series, for me, has been too over-dramatized--even now. Don't get me wrong. I'm not the type of person that just likes death and explosions. A good story can't exist without drama.

However, you focus too much on drama and not enough on the war that's supposed to be going on. You spend more time with dialogue than you need to. Like when they're deciding whether to explore the base or not. That scene was at least twice as long as necessary. In short, you need someone to edit your script.

The characters keep talking or stop to inflect when they should be focusing on what's going on in front of them. At one point in the series, one of the guys is in his frame in the middle of a fight and pauses to exchange a few quips with a girl, then he acts surprised when he gets hit by the enemy several seconds later.

Even if this is a dramatic series, you need to focus on the action more. The fighting just seems like a side-story to all the drama that's going on--and a poorly-explained side-story at that.

In this episode, I've seen more fighting than usual, but I'm still wondering what's going on and why should I care. I just don't feel a connection with any of the characters or what they're doing.

AdamTilford responds:

Fair enough. I'm a writer. This is based off my novel series. It was and is pretty much a movie that takes place after the final book. This is the issue that I recognize. I'm an "epic" writer, epic, as in the journey, etc. So I'm used to developing characters over time. And when I went into developing this, it was started off the pretense of having a base of people who followed me when writing the series and were already familiar. Again, another issue that took me a bit to acknowledge. As far as script writing, the problem with being a primary novel writer, it's difficult to switch to an episodic format. At least it was for me because I wrote scripts with the novel mentality which is my error. Plus I didn't take into account the learning of Flash and starting to animate. For instance, everything that happened from Act 1 to now, would be maybe one chapter in my novel format. So going off as this is a movie "Sequel" to the final book I skipped generic character development, not on purpose, I was just thinking of how the primary audience knew the characters and watched them grow for 3 novels. At the time I wasn't planning on releasing any of it here.

Either way, the scripts that follow rectify this, alot. The war that's going on isn't, that's the thing. This is the initial attack that triggers the conflict that is explained by the perpetrator of it in Act 4 and then in 5.

In regards to the characters talking while fighting, that was an error that occurred in translation from script to "damn, how am I going to do this animated when I'm still teaching myself" Though, that one character in particular, that's his personality. But it happened a lot in 3.2 which it shouldn't have, but that was an issue with me moving from writing to visual. The action, and the short bursts of it, has been because I personally wasn't confident enough in being able to animate it. Story telling wise, I agree with you completely, and I would be ignorant to think otherwise.

Like I said, I'm a writer first and that's where my passion is, this was just a project I wanted to do for myself and the fans of the novels when I had them posted that followed it. A lot of the shortcomings are from my lack of experience in writing episodic things and being able to visually represent them properly. So I'm aware of these issues you mentioned, and when I wrote the following scripts I had them in mind and hope to rectify it a lot. Short of making a flash back episode that would reveal the characters more and the background/history. But I haven't had the time and I've left that information on my website for view.

It's a shame there aren't more people with an actual concept of intelligence on this site. But it is nice to see it, even if it's extremely few and far between.

[The Cu Clocks Clan]

Not too bad

Despite the low-quality graphics, it was entertaining. The "Where did you come from" joke was particularly funny. The story was long and went somewhere and the humor was well-timed.

Modulated voices annoy me. But the subtitle were a nice touch.

The animation isn't racist at all. The villains just happen to be racists--depictions of, anyway.

nuclearstickman5 responds:

Thank you :D

[[KK] Doctor Faggot Ep.1]

blah

Not funny. Opening credits transitioned well. Animation was dull. Story was dull and, knowing [KK], the diagnosis will be no surprise. The mechanical voices sound stupid. At least record your own voices.

SAK responds:

nop

[testest]

Pretty cool

Good animating. The mouth test was humorous and the move test was cool and well-paced.

For the interface you might want to give better directions. I tried to click the arrows several times before I tried the arrow keys.

holyforks responds:

Cant believe I forgot to write about that. Thank you

[What Would You Do??]

okay

It was good animating and good effort, but I didn't find it particularly funny--tho the last sponge joke made me smile. The humor just seemed immature.

funymony responds:

Haha, it's hard to come up with "WHAT WOULD YOU DO _______?" line.
A lot of the lines contained an animal bursting into the room and punching you in the face.

[Very Rough Lifting Anim]

nice animating skill

But really, Newgrounds isn't meant to be a place to post incomplete works--although I still see it done. The TOS says no works-in-progress--if I remember correctly.

Actually, you should look up the "Kanook" animation. It's recent to Newgrounds. Over half of it is still in pencil test like yours, but it's pretty long and has great animation--has a Disney feel to the artwork. The beginning has color and looks very professional. I suggest it because the author wants to put together a collab, and your style looks like a perfect fit--if you want.

Your animation is very good, but your guy needs to lift with his back or he'll pull a muscle. High marks this time, but I look around Newgrounds for finished works.

curtiSmith responds:

I'll be uploading a full music video to Newgrounds in the next week, just wanted to try submitting something simple beforehand. Thanks for the feedback and the tips.

[[KK] Cirno Caused 9/11]

it's just spam

Needs animation, creativity, and effort.

Chewy2007 responds:

This is a work of art and you'll take back your words RIGHT NOW BUSTER >:(

[Metal Gear Brotha]

Nice

The gag was pulled off well enough, but kinda short.

PostTimeskipSam responds:

It was short, but I'm still glad it didn't ruin it.

[[KK] Beyblade Collab 2]

At least there's animation

JK and SAK were kinda good. The modulated voice is hard to understand sometimes. Lolimaster didn't make any sense. Giving yourself good reviews is lame.

It's a vast improvement for [KK].

Joey-Kazaam responds:

Thanks! Glad you enjoyed it! You're not suppose to understand the Beast Snacks yet, however as the story unfolds, the confusion will be laid to rest, hope to see you back for Episode 2!
-Taco Buttfish.